Shape of the Heart
by Chibi-Chichan
Summary: Lily's having dreams of her future son Harry Potter and the hard life he endures. So he doesn't suffer she refuses to walk fates path and begins to avoid James Potter. But she soon learns that it's not of what the mind decides. [DISCONTINUED]
1. Chapter 1

**Shape of the heart**

Lily has been having strange dreams of her future son, Harry Potter and the hard life he endures. To save her son from suffering she refuses to walk fate's path and begins to avoid James Potter. But she soon learns that it's not of what the mind decides, it's of what the heart desires...

A/N: Well...erm so anywho, be nice this is my first ever Maurauder fic that I have written so don't hurt me if it's bad ok? Just tell me what you think. No flames, but Constructive Criticism is more than welcome. Ideas are also more than welcomed. So...read on...

Chapter One

September 1st came faster than I had expected and the whole of the holidays we had been arranging the funeral of our two parents, while I tried to fit in as much schoolwork as possible. My sister cared for the house while I did my work and she did not once have a fit about how I should be working and shouldn't be so lazy. I was grateful for this and when the time came to go back to Hogwarts and began to regret having to leave my sister.

I took in a deep breath as I stared at the wall between platforms nine and ten, preparing to run through and begin my last year at Hogwarts. Before I ran through however, I turned to my sister who stood behind me looking at the floor as if not wanting to watch me go. My stomach was in knots of both worries for my sister and the promise I made and also of nervousness of returning to Hogwarts.

"Hey Petunia, turn that frown upside-down!" I grinned half-heartedly and attempted to sound cheery.

Petunia looked up and gave me a forced smile before stepping forward and embracing me in a hug. "Take care of yourself, and be careful will you Lily?"

I nodded and pulled away from Petunia. "Don't worry...ok?" I smiled before I turned and ran through the barrier and-

WHAM.

"AH! Watch where you're going you stupid bi-"

I stopped when I realised it was only my friend Latisha, a sun-brown coloured girl with chestnut coloured hair and beautiful grey eyes.

"You mind finishing that?" said Latisha before giving me a huge grin.

"Uh...nah..." I said before grinning back.

"Hey Evans!" called a familiar voice.

Latisha turned and smirked. "Oh look who it is Lil, it's fat-headed Potter." she said.

My stomach did a somersault and I groaned. "Oh great. Is it too late to hide me?" I asked.

"Well, seeing how he already called your name and he's heading this way with his group I say...yes."

Muttering a curse, I turned towards the approaching Marauders and prepared myself for what might happen next. "Hello Evans. Pleasant day isn't it?" asked James, smiling mischieviously.

"It would be a lot more pleasant if you weren't wasting my time Potter." I growled, throwing my best scowl at him.

He winced slightly, his smile falling slightly. "Ah Evans, so cheerful today aren't you?" he said, his voice betraying his eyes.

I was mad at him for talking to me like this when I was still upset about my mother and father's death. "You're an airhead." I hissed before pushing past him and his group and was followed by Latisha.

"Looks like someone's PMSing..." mumbled Sirius who obviously thought I hadn't heard him.

I stalked away from the group and when Latisha and I reached the train she asked me, "Why are you so mean to him?"

"Because..." I said shrugging, not wanting to tell her the truth.

"He really likes you, you know..." Latisha said, giving me a weird look.

I flicked my red hair in pretend annoyance. I knew _that_ already.

"You look like you haven't been getting much sleep." muttered Ciara, my other friend as she approached us. And she was right, I had tried not to fall a sleep a few times because of the strange dreams I kept having. Were the dreams real? If they were, I did not want them to happen at all, and I had decided that if fate wanted to interfere then I would attempt to stop it and mold my life to my will. Fate has sent my life out of control and it was time for me to take hold of my life and set it out how I want it to be like.

I'd rather suffer than let my future son, Harry go through the hard life he'll soon go through if I don't.

* * *

A/N: So anyways, I hope you review and tell me your ideas and what you think. I'll be updating with the next chapter has more information (and flashbacks) of what happened in the holidays and stuff. And yeah, in this Lily's got a weird gift.

So...please review!


	2. Chapter 2

**Shape of the heart**

Lily has been having strange dreams of her future son, Harry Potter and the hard life he endures. To save her son from suffering she refuses to walk fate's path and begins to avoid James Potter. But she soon learns that it's not of what the mind decides, it's of what the heart desires...

A/N: Thank you to all the people who reviewed! (Wipes away tears) Thank-you so much! (Hugs reviewers) So now, I shall be continuing the story and this one's much longer and is mostly flashbacks and stuff that she remembers and some more of her favourite guy (not), James!

Chapter Two

:flashback:

My mother is dreadfully ill, and my father has passed on to another place. I've been trying to pick up the pieces of what remains of my shattered life and put it back into proper order, but everytime I try, I fail to and this makes me upset and unwanting to continue.

"Depression is like deadly poison...don't obey it's orders Lily, whatever you do..." my mother told me when I confessed to her about how dreadful I felt. "No matter what happens, you have to be strong even if I do follow your father..."

I gulped as she leaned towards me so she could whisper. She gripped my hands when she told me this. "I want you to be there for your sister before you leave. I want you and your older sister to finally get along, if I go...Do you promise Lily?" she asked, her eyes over bright.

"I-I...p-promise mum..." and as I stuttered this out I squeezed my mother's hands tighter and bowed my head to hide the tears that were threatening to pour out. I didn't want to cry in front of my older sister Petunia, who sat at the foot of our mother's bed pretending not to listen to the conversation I was having with mother.

I didn't want her to see me cry because of how my attending Hogwarts had brought a rift between our close relationship. Well before I had received my letter from Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Petunia and I were inseparable. But ever since I began to attend Hogwarts my sister felt like I no longer cared for our friendship and we grew up further apart. My sister began to hate me and started to believe that what I did was abnormal and that I was a freak. She soon began to become secretive and always pretended things were fine to the neighbors between her and I, even though it wasn't so.

Soon, she began to care nothing of me when her new boyfriend came into her life, Vernon Dursley and if there ever were a prize for the biggest sissy it would be given to him with no doubt at all. When he found out what I was, he began to fear my every move and when I was around him he never seemed able to look me in the eye (or in the face for that fact) even though he was much stronger and bigger than I was.

Of course my sister thought that being a witch and having magical powers was something only a freak would be and have.

After a moment of silence in the room, to my relief the phone rang downstairs and Petunia excused herself so that she could answer the phone, then she dashed down the stairs and left my mother and I alone.

"Oh Vernie!" I heard her cry from downstairs after she had picked up the receiver. I felt like I was going to hurl but my mother suddenly closed her eyes and her breathing became shallow which made me panic.

"Mother? Mother?" I whispered in a small and scared voice as I released her hands and began to shake her shoulders gently. "Mother! Petunia! Hurry! Petunia!"

Suddenly, I heard Petunia throw down the receiver and rush up the stairs and race into the room, her usually neat hair flying everywhere. As soon as she saw the state mother was in, she rushed to her side and sat beside me, grabbing one of mother's hands.

"Mother...?" asked Petunia, her face ever so pale.

There was silence.

My mother finally spoke, "It's so bright..." she murmured. "Darling...darling it is so bright..."

"No mother, there is no light and you have closed your eyes..." whispered Petunia, lifting a hand to brush away a stray lock on mothers face.

Mother's face was wet from sweating so much. She looked so worn out that I began to sob quietly, knowing what was happening. I grabbed my mother's other hand. "Mother!" I cried when my mother finally went silent. Her hand was limp in mine. "Mother!" I screamed as if not believing that she had finally gone. I was on my own now...I didn't want to be alone...

Petunia laid a hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "Don't cry. She is...she is...in a happier place..." muttered Petunia as if trying to find words that would uplift her spirits too.

I turned and faced her, and remembered my promise. "You're right." I sniffed and embraced my sister. It was an awkward, short hug but it made me feel better that I wasn't alone...

:end of flashback:

"Lily? Lils? Lils? Hello?"

Blinking, I realised Ciara had been speaking to me and was now waving her hand in front of my face. "Er...what was that Ciara? Sorry, I didn't hear you." I said.

Ciara frowned at me. "Lily! I said, 'Aren't you supposed to be with the prefects?' I mean you are Head Girl right?"

I nodded my head mutely. "And Remus is Head Boy." Latisha giggled at this. "What's so funny?" I asked.

"Well…nothing really…I'll was just thinking…oh never mind!" said Latisha.

I sighed and shook my head before turning to stare out the window.

"Lily?"

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"………just about the N.E.W.T.S." I lied.

"Really?" said Latisha. "I'm quite nervous about them too you know…you think I'll ever get through this year? I really hope I do because my Madre and my Padre really want me to succeed."

I noted how she said 'Mother' and 'Father' in Spanish which was her native tongue which meant that she was not in a good mood about them.

"So…Lily…" began Ciara rather nervously. "I've heard a lot of rumors…" I continued to look bored out the window but really I was listening very carefully to every word she said. My heart was thumping wildly and I knew exactly what she was going to tell. Something I was not in the mood to hear and something I didn't want to hear at all. "Look Lily…James you know…"

"Ciara…please don't remind me…I'd rather not hear about that prat." I snarled.

"But…Lils, he…well…" muttered Ciara.

"Yes, he's a jackass, I know that already. You could stamp onto his forehead if you wanted to. Ever since he came to this bloody school he's been acting like one. I mean…how conceited and idiotic do you have to get around a girl just to make her think that she absolutely hates him?" I said in a loud voice.

Latisha cleared her throat and shifted her eyes towards the door of the compartment which was opened and had a group standing near the doorway.

James Potter and his friends.

* * *

So…yah…tell me what you think and give suggestions, ideas, constructive criticism and whatever you want…but if you send a flame… :pats fire extinguisher next to her: …then I'm ready…

So review me!

Chibi-Chichan


	3. Chapter 3

**Shape of the heart**

Lily has been having strange dreams of her future son, Harry Potter and the hard life he endures. To save her son from suffering she refuses to walk fate's path and begins to avoid James Potter. But she soon learns that it's not of what the mind decides, it's of what the heart desires...

A/N: Thank you to all those who reviewed! XD So yeah, it took me a while to get this up because I have a useless piece of junk for an internet and well I apologize to all those who waited patiently. (Yes I am a lazy bum, so what are you going to do about it?). This one's not going to be as long as the others because I have major writer's block…

Chapter Three

"Oh," I mumbled quietly, flushed in the face, "Hello Potter."

James grimaced but didn't say anything and Sirius placed a hand on his shoulder. "Told you she thought you were a bit conceited mate." said Sirius, trying to lighten up the mood with a joke. He looked from James's face to mine as if expecting someone to laugh.

Remus, paler than he usually was put his hand on James's other shoulder. "Forget it James. Come on, let's move to the next carriage." he said.

But James didn't budge and desperate to look anywhere else than him or his friends I glanced over at Ciara praying for her to do something. Sensing what needed to be done, Ciara spoke up quickly. "Stop gawking Potter! Don't be surprised! Maybe if you deflate your fat-head and stop hexing people just because you feel like it, more people may start to respect you!" she snapped and I a relaxed a bit, saying in my mind a prayer of thanks that she was blessed with quick-thinking.

"Yeah, go on and get out of here!" ordered Latisha, giving her a disapproving frown and folding her arms across her chest making her look like a teacher frowning at a disobedient student.

"Looks like we're not wanted here James mate." muttered Sirius, glaring at my friends and I for saying such things about James, his best buddy.

Before they left James opened his mouth and said, "I thought you of all people would understand Lily." And as he said that our eyes met and it was like I had just gotten an electric shock. Green met hazel. Hazel met green.

I realized he had just used my first name and I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out. As I stared into James's eyes I could see the hurt and pain my words had caused and my heart-ached. What was I doing? Why was I so against him? Then I remembered the vivid dreams I had of Harry. Harry my son…sitting in his bed, flicking through a photo album of his already gone parents…longing for a parents love and touch…

And where would he get that from? I remembered again how I had seen Harry waking up in a cupboard under the stairs in my sister Petunia's house…

Tears sprung into my eyes and I tried hard to keep them back. I had a burning sensation in my throat and my chest tightened up as I remembered even more that Harry gazed at a photograph with James and I beaming back at him…with a group of people surrounding us who looked equally as happy and yet Harry himself was lonely and gloomy.

I gulped. What was I doing? I wanted to prevent this thing from happening! I wanted to hate James, everything about him, from his messy thatch of hair, to his dirt covered shoes. And yet I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to reach out and touch him…but I can't, I thought grimly. What was I to say? Then it was decided.

"Crawl up and die Potter, am I supposed to feel sympathy for _you_? You hex people just because you can. You pick on weaker people. Now you want me to respect and feel sorry for you? Forget it. If there's two things I know, it's that you'll never change from your idiotic ways and that my feelings towards you will never change either." I said so coldly that even my friends were shocked by what I said.

But I had said it and I couldn't fix it. I wanted to say something nicer…this wasn't like me! And yet, a voice in my mind urged me on, urged me to say something else cruel…

"I-I…don't u-understand." James said, his voice trembling and I couldn't tell if it was from shock or…sadness…

I jumped to my feet. "I'm saying Potter, that I hate everything about you! I wish I never knew you! I _hate_ you James Potter!" I yelled in his face.

And all my anger laced every single word I had said. All my anger and sadness over the last few months that had built up was now coming out and was directed at James.

"You did this!" I cried as I thought about Harry. "This is all _your_ fault! How could you do this to me!" I sobbed, tears streaming down my face and before anyone could stop me, I pushed past the four boys and ran as fast as I could. Where I was going, I had no idea. All I knew was that I had to run away from the voice that was calling from behind me now.

"Lily!"

-

So whaddaya think? I might not update for a while because I'm trying to make chapters longer (though, right now I'm failing at it) and I have all my other stories and sites to worry about so review while you can.

Also, I'd like to thank all the people who reviewed so far! Thank you so much to these people who have reviewed my story so far:

**Ahura Mazda, Gabi Web, TajM, Jen, books 4 me, SodaFizZz19, purple psycho**

Thank you so much, you guys rock!


	4. Chapter 4

**Shape of the heart**

Lily has been having strange dreams of her future son, Harry Potter and the hard life he endures. To save her son from suffering she refuses to walk fate's path and begins to avoid James Potter. But she soon learns that it's not of what the mind decides, it's of what the heart desires...

A/N: Hahaha! I'm listening to Black Eyed Peas 'Don't Lie' and I absolutely love the song! And I'm listening to Pete Murray 'Better Days'…mmm…I love the song…and also 'Counting Down the Days' by Natalie Imbrulia or however you spell it… :) Heheh and I think I'm inspired to write the next chapter so yah! T.T What a cheap excuse. Anywho, thanks to all those who reviewed! You guys absolutely rock!

But anyhow, on with the story!

(Also note that I have major writer's block so don't blame me if this chapter absolutely sucks) (For some reason I like saying the word absolutely)

Chapter Three

I continued to run and I could see many faces from all around me turning to look at me in curiosity, shock and some smugness. Where was I to go? I didn't know. I was confused and lost.

The tears that streamed down my face never stopped and neither did my trembling. My hair swept behind me as I reached out and opened the door in front of me. The wind blew into the train. My adrenaline was running and my heart was pounding, I was afraid everyone could hear it. But…

…it was like I had been waiting for this moment. This moment to jump and fall to my doom. I felt thrill and horror run through me like an electric shock. But my hand was sweating as it tried to keep a strong grip on the side-handle.

"Lily!" called a voice.

No Lily…jump…jump and die…jump and die…jump…

I guess it's human to wish for a quick death. To stop living when something terrible happens. Just to not face our fears. It seemed human that we'd rather die than cause ourselves or someone else trouble. But wasn't the easiest thing in life to do is to die? You could die with a sudden shot to your head; you could die in thirty seconds if you've lost enough blood.

So if death was the easiest thing to do…wasn't the opposite the hardest? Wasn't living the hardest thing to do? To keep on living means that you could live on until you're 100 or even more…

So should I choose the easy way out of this situation…? Or the hard way…? No…I should keep on living…I would just die because I had given up hope…given up hope when I could have pushed myself harder to make the impossible possible.

And yet still, I remained where I was the only thing keeping me from falling was my slipping hand that had finally lost its grip on the side-handle. I was falling forward, falling forward out of the train.

It was too late to think of living now. No spell that would save me came to my mind and I felt like I was flying high as I fell. The wind caressed my face and I embraced the cold feeling of it, causing a chill to run down my spine. I closed my eyes and I could see my mother with arms wide open.

She caught me in her arms and pushed me back away from her. "Not yet Lily…" she whispered as I began to float back up to the train door. "Not yet…" she repeated.

"Lily! Lily!" two strong arms wrapped around my stomach and pulled me up away from my mother who was below me continuing to float, her eyes shining.

"Mother!" I cried. "Mother!" My face was wet from the many tears I shed as I reached out to my mother who grew further and further away.

"I'll continue…to wait for you Lily…" she said as she closed her eyes and white light engulfed her and blinded my eyes forcing me to shut them.

"Lily!"

I opened my eyes and looked into concerned hazel ones. Those eyes belong to James Potter. My friends and his were crowded around us, looking down at me worriedly. "My mother…" I breathed, more tears welling up in my eyes. "My mother…she's…she's going to…going to wait for me!" I mumbled, my voice shaking. I gulped and sucked in some more air. "But…but I'm going to be brave…I'm going to be strong and keep living…no matter where this life will take me…I'll keep living until my mother calls me to her." I said with all the braveness I could muster.

James eyes were wide with surprise before they turned kind and gentle. "That's right Lily…and if you keep on living I'm be there with you too…I'll help you make the impossible possible…" he said kindly.

I may not have understood what he said right then but it was nice to hear those reassuring words.

"It's a promise ok?" he said.

He smiled.

I smiled back.

And we shared a moment.

-

:Yawns: Sorry, I kind of have to stop there because I'm kind of tired you know. So anyhow, review and tell me what you think ok? Also I apologise if the chapter was extremely short but hey, I got to rest my tired body you know? Anyhow I apologise for any grammar mistakes of anything else and Constructive Criticism is totally welcome. Alos, I think I might put this story on hold...I'm kind of having writer's block with it at the moment... Peace out—Chibi-Chichan!


End file.
